The Picture above was the phrase that has stuck to me since the EFCA’s Challenge (Kansas City 2014). It was a sermon on silence. In the past 3 years I have been waiting for God to open a door into ministry. Let alone in those 3 years I have only been able to get a part time job while receiving my BA in 2011 and my MFA in 2013. Many cannot understand how I have not gotten a job at all especially if I am waiting for a ministry job why do you not get a regular job. Simple answer, I have been and those doors have closed faster than a hungry dog running to its dinner. I cannot tell you how many times I have prayed, asked, begged God to open a door for a job. I have networked all over the US, met with various pastors/friends, and I have applied to so many churches and companies you would just sit there dumbfounded. So taking you from the carnal reasoning lets dive into a spiritual one. Many people do not look at my situation as God closing doors, but myself being too lazy or not trying hard enough. This is not true by any means, and if you actually know me you could definitely agree that ministry is where I am suppose to be into. All these years have been a form of suffering, but in all that has happened from being jobless to my wife’s health God has provided and taken care of us.
Now in all my past situations I have never waited as long as I have done today. There have been times where I cried myself asleep feeling like a failure to God, my wife, and myself. Working so hard to be ready and then wait. It is a killer, and not knowing what God wants of me and not even directing me. At least that is how my mind was feeling for a long time. I went through all the typical human error where I thought there was sin in my life, that I was not trusting in Him enough, and even thought maybe He was not even real. Yes, I had doubts. The issue with doubts is we can either be angry, or we can humble ourselves to His leading even if it is waiting. You see God has His reasons why we go through what we go through not to hurt us but to grow us. His silence is not that He has left you on your own, it is that He is moving all around us for His glory. In my case, I can see because of health situations that my wife was able to get the surgeries she needed through Medicaid. Also the people I met in my suffering where God driven, and I cannot say that it was a waste. But I can say that it is not easy, and I wish this situation on NOBODY. In God’s silence He has not left me, He has several times comforted me, taught me, and lifted me up when I was weak. He is moving, and I must wait patiently for His open door. What I encourage you to do is during this time of waiting… serve.
That day in Challenge was a moment that my burden was lifted. I felt the LORD told me that the door will open, and that He was working things to that moment that the job will be known. He encouraged me to continue to serve, impact people I am with, and trust Him to work in the silence. This was the moment He spoke. It was as if He put His hands on my shoulders and took the weight off my back. As much as it is hard to continue to wait… I know He has not left me to deal on my own. I still have gotten a few hard rejections since then, but I will continue to remember… When God is silent… He is moving!