I want to apologize for being silent of later. If you have read my bio you know that I have been seeking a Full time Career/job for 3 years now. It is a heavy burden to hold when you are married (3 years) during this time. It is not only the burden of being jobless that has made me so mentally and emotional worn. My wife and I live with my parents where basically it is two family units with different views of life. Even though their is love and support, we need to be on our own. There is also health problems that have come toward my wife specifically. A doctor we found near us basically saved her when he found that her liver was unhealthy a few years back. Then last November she had her gallbladder taken out (0% function). Recently a few weeks back, she started to not feel good, and her right lymph node in her neck swelled. Her temperature went from 99-102. So I took her to Urgent Care last Saturday, and today we will be meeting with an ENT to figure out what is the infection. She is doing better, but is not healed. Pray for her if you read this.
That being said, it has been terribly ruff even now I am worn out. I do not know how God is able to lift me up each day and give me the energy to endure. It has been so tiresome to try and find a job these days. I think I have over 400 denials from emails to letters through the mail. I cannot even get a local part time for various reason they tell me. The heart and soul get very heavy, and it seems that no end is in sight. I have to continually keep my eyes above the ocean waves and on Him. He is my ROCK, my Strong Tower, and my Hope. It is amazing how those who have loved ones in the hospital with Cancer look so strong, or those who have lost a child can move forward. My burden may be small compared to them, but it is my burden.
Being the man of my family, I need to take care of my wife and dog. They are my responsibility, and I am failing them. It is so very hard to carry such burden alone that is why I am so happy that God allows me to cast all my burden onto Him to bare. This does not mean there is no pain or suffering. That does not mean I have a sin to repent of, nor does it mean that I must have more faith. It means I am where He wants me to be for His reasoning not mine. I have been reading on Joseph, King David, Job, and many sermons on this similar topic of waiting, trusting, finding Peace in Him, Why’s?, and more. There has been so much going through my head. I have talked to my parents, friends, pastors, and peers about this burden, and all any of you can do is pray for us. Of course sharing any jobs you know of could help a lot as well.
Silence is all I have right now in the direction that God has placed in my heart. He has not revealed where He wants me, the type of ministry/non-profit/job He has planned for me, nor has He opened any church locally to invest in. Both my wife and I have burdens for Oregon and Washington St. are of the US. Why? Cannot tell you, it is there (the burden). We would love to move out there, but it has to be God that makes it all happen. Will it be in ministry? I hope so, He has given me a burden for the local church, youth, and young adults in how they impact their local community for Christ. I can see all the little blessings He has done for us. From being in medicaid that has been able to take care of my wife’s health issues, to parents (hers too) that are helping us survive, and He even provided a newer car (paid in full, only have to worry about insurance). When… continues to flow through my mind to when everything will come together for the JOB. My silence has been a heavy burden of later. I ask that you pray for me and my wife for God to make the path clear to where, what job, when it will happen, and a church family we can invest in. Also pray that I can keep my eyes on Him, and not forget that HE is in control even if I cannot see it happening.